Let them go.

Advice #2

"Have you ever been hated or discriminated against?
I have. I've been protested and demonstrated against."

-Eminem, "Cleanin' Out My Closet"

Are you being bullied? Are you being hurt by the ones you love? Have you been abused, physically or mentally? Has there been any other situation, where you were the victim?

(Now don't get me wrong, there are oftentimes when somebody states that they're the victim, when they in actuality aren't. I'm trusting you to know the difference between honesty and open-mindedness and slang and ignorance.)

Now, let's look at one of the most popular instances where somebody gets hurt, whether it's physically or mentally, that eventually leads to self-inflicted harm, which is being bullied and betrayed by those closest to you. Maybe it's a friend or a family member, or even just a stranger you know, but it will happen. The first step to healing is accepting that these things will happen. Now I want to cover one very specific type of bullying.

Have you ever had a friend who you were really close to? As if you wanted to trust that person with everything you had, and give them the benefit of the doubt? Have you hoped that the person you met was the  person you could do anything for, and get it in return, so badly, that the only thing keeping you close to them was the hope that they would fulfill that emptiness, that void? Most often it's "close" friends, and I quote "friends", because in this case, they aren't, the won't be, and they never were.

Have you felt left out in a group of friends? Or, how about you felt that you were second on your friend's priority list. Now this applies to both guys and girls, because surprisingly, this happens extremely often with guys.

So, let's say you have this void. This emotional emptiness, a need for somebody to be there to help you through the world, somebody to have your back. A personal dependency on another person for thriving in life? This is so unhealthy. So unhealthy. So, if it's so bad for us, then why do we have this emotional dependency? Because we're human. We thrive in lively environments, and from the beginning of our lives, we've constantly been around people. But as you get older, you become more independant and you start to develop a mind of your own, your own ideas, your own thoughts. Your parents grow more distant in your relationship with them, and sometimes it's even a sibling this happens with, and you start looking for new, exciting people to help you in your journey. We become curious about everything, but when we start to be on our own more often, we begin to realize how much of a scary place the world really is. You feel alone, and you yearn for somebody's company, somebody to protect you, just like you had when you were a kid.

So now, you're at school, (this applies to homeschooled kids too, but I'll get into that a little later since it's a bit different.) and you're scared, you're unhappy because it's so damn early, and you want something to make your day better, so we depend on other people to help us with that. We make friends, or try to at least, and you eventually become so close to somebody that they give you a reason to look forward to waking up. You get each other, you love the other's company, you have fun, and you become more outgoing. You hang out with more people, but next thing you know, you see your best friend hanging out with some other people. Sure, it hurts a bit, but you blow it off. It'll be over with by tomorrow.

But it isn't.

They keep hanging out with other people, they keep telling inside jokes that you don't know, when you're two feet in front of them. And it makes you wonder, "how the hell could you have changed so much?" because you two used to be the ones with the inside jokes. You two drift apart and you get lonely, torn apart by the fact that they're leaving you. Was what you two had really so fake? Did it really mean so little to them that they could just forget you like that? But people change. They really do. And it's a scary thought when you're in the world by yourself.

So one day, you've had the worst day possible, and the fact that you're depressed because they've seemed to forget you altogether makes it ten times worse, so you ask for a hug. But they don't hear you. They're having another conversation that never involved you, and they walk away.
You're broken.

*Now, if you're homeschooled, you may feel like crap because you don't have anybody to confide in. But if this is the case, convince your parents to let you take a couple outside classes to not only get you out of the house and meet new people, but to help you learn something new. Maybe an instrument or a martial art, it doesn't matter. Meeting people really helps you find out who you are and who you want to be. Take it from somebody that's seen it from both sides of the veil. ;)

Now, this is going to happen in life. It's a given. But equipping yourself to handle things like this is going to make it so much easier to get over this roadblock. It's just another learning experience, right?

1. Reassure yourself.
You have to, and I can't stress this enough, have to give yourself a few pep-talks. Maybe it's just a comforting sentence or a word you liked, or an inspirational song or book character maybe. Maybe it's your idol and how what they went through can help you. But you have to find ways to make yourself feel better. You cannot depend on others for emotional satisfaction, take it from somebody who's lost so much.
Force yourself to look at the bright side. Don't think of it as forever alone, think of it as a learning experience. Find ways to improve yourself, because you're all you can really depend on. Find comfort in little things, and find (healthy) things to do to keep your mind off the negatives. Anybody can see the negatives, but it takes a really special mind to see the positive side.

2. Exercise.
Seriously, even if it's just once or twice a week, working yourself hard makes you feel SO much better. Punching a punching bag, jumping rope, or even just stretching can make you feel so relaxed, and really help release the pent-up negativity you have built up. Because getting rid of the negatives are the first steps in letting go.

3.Take control.
If your thoughts plague you, don't let them. You need to remember that you control what you think and how you feel, nobody else. Other people influence it, but it's up to you whether it affects you or not. So don't let it. Force yourself to stop thinking about what bothers you so much, and find something relaxing or fun to do. Do something comforting and out of the ordinary. It'll help a broken heart.

4. Let them go.
Prepare yourself for the worst--it's bound to happen and you know it. If anybody special to you forgets you're alive, it's incredibly difficult, especially when you had such high expectations of somebody you thought you could trust. But you have to let them go. If you have to change yourself to be around them, you don't need them in your life. Losing yourself is so easy around judgmental people, because you subconsciously  mold yourself to fit their desires and what they like. Stereotypes and peer pressure are hard to overcome, but you can do it. You have to let them go. If they don't care about you, there's no use keeping them in your life. If they could so easily move on from something special, they aren't a quality person to be completely honest. You know you deserve better, or even if you don't think you do, you really do. Be yourself, but most of all, let them go. If they chose to walk out of your life, let them. I promise you that in the long run, it'll be so beneficial for you, because not only will it open your mind up to new possibilities, but it will help you re-discover yourself and who you really want to be.

-Evie